So how did we meet !!
Well it wasn't any fairytale meeting or love at first sight kind of thing that we had. Infact we met through a matrimonial site. We both work in the IT industry and after a couple of meetings gave a go ahead to our parents. My first impression about Adi was that he was very shy and treated me courteously. He always addressed me as ma'am in our first meeting , holding out chairs and begin chivalrous. I liked it about him. I myself have always been very open and shared about my beliefs in the first meeting itself. To my surprise he was a virgin and to his surprise I told him about my past relationship. He became a little uncomfortable and squirmed a little when i discussed about my ex-boyfriend. Anyways long story short we clicked and had a marriage within 6 months of meeting each other. We both were employed in Gurgaon and he used to stay with his parents in Delhi. I have always been an independent girl and I laid down the law that I cannot be trapped in the vagaries of a joint family. I told him upfront that we will live separately and so we bought a house in Gurgaon and shifted their post marriage. The first year of the marriage was all very tame. We had fun in the bedroom and I was always the teacher and had to initiate sex almost every time. I remember the first time I started to give him a blow job, he got very jittery as If I will bite him. He started to protest and I tried to reason that he will like it. Finally I scolded him and asked him to just lie on the bed with hands behind his head and he obeyed. I gave him his first BJ he thanks me to the day for that experience. I also remember when I asked him to go down on me. He flatly refused. I got pissed off and did not speak to him for 2 days. Finally he apologized and I almost made him beg to go down on me afterwards. Outside bedroom also I was the de-facto leader of the house. I decided how we spent our money , what movie to watch, what all to buy and how do we spend our free time. As we both worked we shared the housework. I was never a homemaker but as Adi had stayed away in US he was more that adept with most of the chores but still we shared most of the work.
Our first major fight came after almost a year into our marriage. One day my manager called me and told that he had a US assignment for 1 year and that if I wanted to go. I was getting a promotion with this opportunity so I immediately accepted. When I reached home that evening I gave Adi the good news and his reaction stunned me. He said "How can you say yes without asking me . What will I do all this time?" and then I realized that I had said yes without giving a thought to Adi's job. I tried to reason with him that it is a very good move for my career and that we will try to figure something out but he was in no mood to listen. Finally he said " Pooja , you know , YOU ARE VERY SELFISH". I looked at him for 2 seconds and then slapped him , picked up my bag and car keys and left the house. I went to my friend's place and narrated her the whole incident and suddenly i started crying. My friend consoled me and finally I decided to sleep at my friend's place. In the morning when I woke up I saw Adi was trying to call me , I ignored him. Went to office from my friend's place and didn't speak to him the whole day. When I came to my friend's place I found Adi waiting there for me. I walked past him into the bedroom and he followed. He started to apologize and tried to hold my hand but I pulled back. He tried to say sorry and that he is ready to consider everything but I was so hurt that I just kept quiet. Finally he said " What can I do make you believe that I am truly sorry ?"
I was so pissed off that I blurted " If you are truly sorry , you should beg at my feet and then maybe I will forgive you!!" . I had said that just out of spite. I knew Adi will never do this . However to my surprise Adi went down to his knees and bowed his head on my feet and said " Pooja I am very sorry. Please forgive me". I was taken aback and didn't reply for some time. Adi kept kneeling so I then gathered my thoughts and asked him stand up. Then I told him " Let's go home"
When we reached home I made him sit with me and explained that if he wants me to forgive him here are my conditions
1) He will accept my decision to go to US wholeheartedly and without any arguments
2) He will never speak to me rudely again.
He immediately said "Yes I agree". Then I got a little bold and told him that for what he had done to me he should also write an apology letter explaining why he was wrong and that how will he correct himself for future. He had a puzzled look on his face with this weird request but realized it was best not argue so just said " Sure, will do that". I told him to sleep in the spare bedroom today and work on the letter. I then went to sleep. When I lied in the bed I had a very content feeling and I think that was the day when something changed in our relationship.
Will continue with the background in another post
Till Later
Pooja
P.S. - Not sure if Adi also should be allowed to read and post on this blog. Will leave that to the readers
Well it wasn't any fairytale meeting or love at first sight kind of thing that we had. Infact we met through a matrimonial site. We both work in the IT industry and after a couple of meetings gave a go ahead to our parents. My first impression about Adi was that he was very shy and treated me courteously. He always addressed me as ma'am in our first meeting , holding out chairs and begin chivalrous. I liked it about him. I myself have always been very open and shared about my beliefs in the first meeting itself. To my surprise he was a virgin and to his surprise I told him about my past relationship. He became a little uncomfortable and squirmed a little when i discussed about my ex-boyfriend. Anyways long story short we clicked and had a marriage within 6 months of meeting each other. We both were employed in Gurgaon and he used to stay with his parents in Delhi. I have always been an independent girl and I laid down the law that I cannot be trapped in the vagaries of a joint family. I told him upfront that we will live separately and so we bought a house in Gurgaon and shifted their post marriage. The first year of the marriage was all very tame. We had fun in the bedroom and I was always the teacher and had to initiate sex almost every time. I remember the first time I started to give him a blow job, he got very jittery as If I will bite him. He started to protest and I tried to reason that he will like it. Finally I scolded him and asked him to just lie on the bed with hands behind his head and he obeyed. I gave him his first BJ he thanks me to the day for that experience. I also remember when I asked him to go down on me. He flatly refused. I got pissed off and did not speak to him for 2 days. Finally he apologized and I almost made him beg to go down on me afterwards. Outside bedroom also I was the de-facto leader of the house. I decided how we spent our money , what movie to watch, what all to buy and how do we spend our free time. As we both worked we shared the housework. I was never a homemaker but as Adi had stayed away in US he was more that adept with most of the chores but still we shared most of the work.
Our first major fight came after almost a year into our marriage. One day my manager called me and told that he had a US assignment for 1 year and that if I wanted to go. I was getting a promotion with this opportunity so I immediately accepted. When I reached home that evening I gave Adi the good news and his reaction stunned me. He said "How can you say yes without asking me . What will I do all this time?" and then I realized that I had said yes without giving a thought to Adi's job. I tried to reason with him that it is a very good move for my career and that we will try to figure something out but he was in no mood to listen. Finally he said " Pooja , you know , YOU ARE VERY SELFISH". I looked at him for 2 seconds and then slapped him , picked up my bag and car keys and left the house. I went to my friend's place and narrated her the whole incident and suddenly i started crying. My friend consoled me and finally I decided to sleep at my friend's place. In the morning when I woke up I saw Adi was trying to call me , I ignored him. Went to office from my friend's place and didn't speak to him the whole day. When I came to my friend's place I found Adi waiting there for me. I walked past him into the bedroom and he followed. He started to apologize and tried to hold my hand but I pulled back. He tried to say sorry and that he is ready to consider everything but I was so hurt that I just kept quiet. Finally he said " What can I do make you believe that I am truly sorry ?"
I was so pissed off that I blurted " If you are truly sorry , you should beg at my feet and then maybe I will forgive you!!" . I had said that just out of spite. I knew Adi will never do this . However to my surprise Adi went down to his knees and bowed his head on my feet and said " Pooja I am very sorry. Please forgive me". I was taken aback and didn't reply for some time. Adi kept kneeling so I then gathered my thoughts and asked him stand up. Then I told him " Let's go home"
When we reached home I made him sit with me and explained that if he wants me to forgive him here are my conditions
1) He will accept my decision to go to US wholeheartedly and without any arguments
2) He will never speak to me rudely again.
He immediately said "Yes I agree". Then I got a little bold and told him that for what he had done to me he should also write an apology letter explaining why he was wrong and that how will he correct himself for future. He had a puzzled look on his face with this weird request but realized it was best not argue so just said " Sure, will do that". I told him to sleep in the spare bedroom today and work on the letter. I then went to sleep. When I lied in the bed I had a very content feeling and I think that was the day when something changed in our relationship.
Will continue with the background in another post
Till Later
Pooja
P.S. - Not sure if Adi also should be allowed to read and post on this blog. Will leave that to the readers
Yes he should also be allowed to read and post on this blog.
ReplyDeletePooja,
ReplyDeleteI loved reading these first two posts. I came down on you pretty hard in a comment in your October 2014 post. I meant no harm but did feel as if you crossed a line that you shouldn't have if your goal is to keep Adi as a life-long husband in a culture that is not yet open to a lifestyle such as yours.
My admiration has to do with the freedom you have in expressing yourself. You speak your mind. You state your concerns. You act independently and YET YOUR LOVE your husband. I do wish you two well and will continue reading your blog with interest. My best to you both!