First I would like to apologize to regular readers for such a long break between posts but me and Adi had hit a wall in our relationship !!
All of this triggered in April when Adi got his annual appraisal which was to be fair a little disappointing to both of us. He called me and sounded down and I tried to comfort him. Reaching home I could see he was sad and decided that we order dinner . After dinner we sat down and I asked him to show the comments he had received and was surprised to see comments like "disinterested in work", "shirking away from responsibilities" etc. I knew Adi was not a technical wizard but he had been hardworking so was taken back by these comments. I started to ask Adi what had happened and he was evasive in his answers. I could sense something was wrong and probed further which led him to snap back and he said " It is all because of this lifestyle that you have imposed on me. I am unable to think straight and concentrate any more . " It hit me like a brick in the wall and although I kept quiet inside I was devastated. I let him vent and he went on a tirade blaming me for all the ills of his professional life on me. I then asked him to go to sleep and that we would discuss this later.
The whole night I was awake thinking about the comments and the more I thought the more mad I became on Adi. By morning I had made up my mind. I got up took a quick shower and prepared breakfast. When Adi woke up he saw the stuff I had already done and I could see he was uneasy because of his comments the previous night but his machismo stopped him from saying anything. After breakfast we went to work and came back in the evening. I again prepared the dinner and we ate that quietly.
After dinner I informed him since he cannot be convinced the benefits of having such an arrangement that we would go back to what we had in past and see if that is what he wants. I then got up and went to sleep.
I felt devastated and really thought that my marriage was over and I wanted to walk out of it then and there but wanted to give Adi a chance. I was skeptical but in hindsight I am now glad that I did that.
Next two months were unlearning all that had been accomplished and I went from a dominating wife to a traditional wife. I let Adi run the show and just kept quiet. In the first week Adi was kinda happy that he had gained his freedom and his testosterone was back. We had sex for 3 times that week and I just did not make any comment. I told him to take most of the decisions and he was happy to be in charge. By week 2 the initial euphoria that died down and the realization sank, We continued for another 5 weeks but I could see that Adi knew something was wrong and that he was missing the control and discipline I had brought to his life. He got easily irritated when asked for any decision and finally he had a breakdown.
I then told Adi that we need to have a talk and explained that I had listened to him that day and today he would do the same without interrupting. I then started to explain the logic behind me taking the reigns of our marriage and taking decision making out of his hands. I listed all the problems we had in past and why I have chosen to be this way. I told him that this not a role play or a fantasy of his that will get over with time. This was a life-style change which worked on both of our strengths and weakness. I explained what having a 50-50 relation was causing to our marriage with constant mutual competitiveness and frequent fights. I told him that I had become the decision-making authority because of his tendency to shoot first and repent later. That he never thoughts the pros and cons of all his actions. I then explained him that he had a very spoiled childhood where he never lifted a spoon at his house which has accumulated a stack of bad habits and that is the reason for assigning him the chores and menial tasks so that he has a sense of duties and responsibilities that he can own and strive towards. I told him that the reason for asking him to put my needs first , even before his was so that he becomes more selfless. I said that I wanted to provide a central focus and direction to this marriage so that we have some balance when we eventually start a family. I was grooming him to be a better husband now so that he can become a better father in future . I told him the only reason I was doing this was because I LOVE HIM and deep down know that HE LOVES ME TOO !!
I had listed so many instances that all this took almost 2 hrs and by the time I was finished Adi was almost crying and I had got emotional too. Adi then got up and took me in his arms and we hugged like long lost lovers. I asked him if he was ready for phase 2 of our marriage and Adi looked into my eyes and I saw what felt was true devotion. He then got down and started to kiss my feet to give his acceptance. Adi then started to apologize to me but I told him that apologies wont cut it and I know what his penance would be and that from tmw would be a new dawn and that he better be ready to endure what is coming his way !!!
I think in a way it was a small step in FLM but a giant leap in our marriage !!
All of this triggered in April when Adi got his annual appraisal which was to be fair a little disappointing to both of us. He called me and sounded down and I tried to comfort him. Reaching home I could see he was sad and decided that we order dinner . After dinner we sat down and I asked him to show the comments he had received and was surprised to see comments like "disinterested in work", "shirking away from responsibilities" etc. I knew Adi was not a technical wizard but he had been hardworking so was taken back by these comments. I started to ask Adi what had happened and he was evasive in his answers. I could sense something was wrong and probed further which led him to snap back and he said " It is all because of this lifestyle that you have imposed on me. I am unable to think straight and concentrate any more . " It hit me like a brick in the wall and although I kept quiet inside I was devastated. I let him vent and he went on a tirade blaming me for all the ills of his professional life on me. I then asked him to go to sleep and that we would discuss this later.
The whole night I was awake thinking about the comments and the more I thought the more mad I became on Adi. By morning I had made up my mind. I got up took a quick shower and prepared breakfast. When Adi woke up he saw the stuff I had already done and I could see he was uneasy because of his comments the previous night but his machismo stopped him from saying anything. After breakfast we went to work and came back in the evening. I again prepared the dinner and we ate that quietly.
After dinner I informed him since he cannot be convinced the benefits of having such an arrangement that we would go back to what we had in past and see if that is what he wants. I then got up and went to sleep.
I felt devastated and really thought that my marriage was over and I wanted to walk out of it then and there but wanted to give Adi a chance. I was skeptical but in hindsight I am now glad that I did that.
Next two months were unlearning all that had been accomplished and I went from a dominating wife to a traditional wife. I let Adi run the show and just kept quiet. In the first week Adi was kinda happy that he had gained his freedom and his testosterone was back. We had sex for 3 times that week and I just did not make any comment. I told him to take most of the decisions and he was happy to be in charge. By week 2 the initial euphoria that died down and the realization sank, We continued for another 5 weeks but I could see that Adi knew something was wrong and that he was missing the control and discipline I had brought to his life. He got easily irritated when asked for any decision and finally he had a breakdown.
I then told Adi that we need to have a talk and explained that I had listened to him that day and today he would do the same without interrupting. I then started to explain the logic behind me taking the reigns of our marriage and taking decision making out of his hands. I listed all the problems we had in past and why I have chosen to be this way. I told him that this not a role play or a fantasy of his that will get over with time. This was a life-style change which worked on both of our strengths and weakness. I explained what having a 50-50 relation was causing to our marriage with constant mutual competitiveness and frequent fights. I told him that I had become the decision-making authority because of his tendency to shoot first and repent later. That he never thoughts the pros and cons of all his actions. I then explained him that he had a very spoiled childhood where he never lifted a spoon at his house which has accumulated a stack of bad habits and that is the reason for assigning him the chores and menial tasks so that he has a sense of duties and responsibilities that he can own and strive towards. I told him that the reason for asking him to put my needs first , even before his was so that he becomes more selfless. I said that I wanted to provide a central focus and direction to this marriage so that we have some balance when we eventually start a family. I was grooming him to be a better husband now so that he can become a better father in future . I told him the only reason I was doing this was because I LOVE HIM and deep down know that HE LOVES ME TOO !!
I had listed so many instances that all this took almost 2 hrs and by the time I was finished Adi was almost crying and I had got emotional too. Adi then got up and took me in his arms and we hugged like long lost lovers. I asked him if he was ready for phase 2 of our marriage and Adi looked into my eyes and I saw what felt was true devotion. He then got down and started to kiss my feet to give his acceptance. Adi then started to apologize to me but I told him that apologies wont cut it and I know what his penance would be and that from tmw would be a new dawn and that he better be ready to endure what is coming his way !!!
I think in a way it was a small step in FLM but a giant leap in our marriage !!
